Constant Craving by Tamara Lush

Author:Tamara Lush [Lush, Tamara]
Language: eng
Format: epub

22

Playing House

Reaching to the nightstand for my phone, I’m startled to find it’s ten in the morning. Later than I’ve slept in years. My eyes adjust to the wan light filtering through the gauzy curtains of the huge bedroom.

Where’s Rafa? I look around.

I sniff deep. Ahh. He must be downstairs, judging by the bacon smell. I smile and stretch. He still loves bacon. I climb out of bed and scratch my scalp, wondering if I should pull it back in a ponytail or go long and wild. It will have to be long and wild, because my hair ties are somewhere in my purse, which is probably downstairs where I left it. Really, my hair’s the last thing that matters, because I’m achy and groggy and sex-sated. My hand feels around at the back of my head and tugs a giant, matted tangle.

My stomach rumbles like a thunderstorm, and I take another big whiff of the bacon.

My eyes go to one of Rafa’s T-shirts that sits on the bureau, the one he wore last night. I pick it up and sniff his unique, familiar scent. It makes me swoon a little. I slip it on and open a drawer, searching for his boxers. There they are, in the bureau, on the top right. I laugh out loud. He’s so predictable.

In many ways, things haven’t changed.

Last night, it felt normal to sleep in his arms. Too normal. And the nightmare. A pit of heaviness forms in my stomach when I think of it. I’d assumed he wouldn’t have the bad dreams anymore, that having lots of money would have somehow reassured him, quelled his fears, soothed his soul.

Rafa had never talked much about the nightmares. It was as if he was incapable of sharing his inner self with anyone. He held everything inside. Sex had been his way of communicating with me, and now that we’re older, he’s no different.

Take this morning. Sometime before the sun came up, we’d been spooning and dozing. I’d wrapped his arm around my chest and folded his hand over my breast. Rafa had responded with an erection nestled near the small of my back, and we’d ended an hour later, with me on top, panting and sweating, and him gripping my hips and grinding me closer. After, we’d cuddled for thirty seconds, then he’d shot out of bed, muttering something about checking emails. I’d collapsed back to sleep.

I can’t expect him to be the tender boy I once knew. That’s ridiculous after everything he’s been through. Everything he’s accomplished. And I’m no longer the young woman exploring her sexuality. I know what I need, and I’m going to take it over the next month.

Then move on.

Taking a deep breath, I find my way to the kitchen, getting lost only once in the huge house and finding myself in the laundry room. I’m barefoot and in his too-big clothes. I look a wreck but don’t care. He’s seen me at my worst, and today is far from that.

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